Hudson Valley Humanists

Satire on George Bush’s Inaugural Speech

Dear President Bush,

On January 20^th, 2005 like millions of Americans, I listened in awe to your inaugural address. Half of us thought it was awesome. The other half thought it was awful.

Presidents have professionals write their speeches, so you may not have understood everything you said. But, there is one section on theology that I have a number of questions about. I’m an atheist (I’m not sure if it’s by choice or if it’s genetic), so I must humbly defer to your presidential leadership in matters pertaining to religion. Here’s the text of that section: “From the day of our Founding, we have proclaimed that every man and woman on this earth has rights, and dignity, and matchless value, because they bear the image of the Maker of Heaven and earth.”

First, an historical issue: I have looked high and low for any proclamation from the day of our founding (July 4^th, 1776) that contains the word “woman” or that mentions women’s rights. I couldn’t find a thing. I even looked in the Declaration of Independence!

Second, I know you conservatives don’t like political correctness, but you should defer to African Americans who remind us that thousands of human beings lived in slavery on “the day of our Founding.” The new American government didn’t change that. They kept it going. Slaves had no rights in America. That contradiction of principles and practices could be dodged, if you propose that African Americans do not “bear the image of the Maker.” Then, of course, they wouldn’t deserve rights.

The theological points you make, however, intrigue me much more than the historical. A big question to you is to whom are you referring to when you said, “the Maker of Heaven and earth.”

I ran a web search on the phrase “the Maker of Heaven and earth” and got a hit on Enki the great Sumerian God of all Creation. The web page quoted an ancient prayer that went “Oh, Enki, Maker of Heaven and Earth, let my enemies bow before me!” It’s funny that you, a modern president, are using the same kind of terminology that Sumerian priests used six thousand years ago, after all this time. However, I don’t think Enki is the God you are talking about because you speak of a God that protects America. Enki would have protected Iraq.

So who is this God you’re talking about? It’s important for all of us to know what the God in your head is like. By the way, if it speaks to you in a deep voice in the middle of the night and intones the word “Armageddon,” remember it might be the Devil posing as the Master. Don’t push buttons. Just go back to sleep.

Continuing the quest for the generic American God according to George Bush, I can eliminate the Gods of the natural religions such as eagles, bison, turtles and oak trees. We don’t look like them. I can also skip the Hindu Gods, because nobody’s got eight arms.

Cutting to the chase, there’s only one God left – the one we’re “under.” That is the western one- Big Big Daddy Sky King. Jesus’ father. Our Father. The one who art in Heaven. The one you implored at the end of your speech to “watch over the United States of America.” He’s way up there, we’re way down here and did you know all Gods are fictional characters?

As an atheist, Mr. President, I’m duty bound to ask religious people quirky questions. Here’s one:

If there wasn’t a God, would we still have rights just because we’re human beings? If you’re stuck for an answer, I suggest you refer to Thomas Jefferson and James Madison rather than Billy Graham and Jerry Fallwell.

Now, here’s a fun question:

If people are made in God’s image, which one of us looks the most like God? I know you’re thinking- Charlton Heston! And you very well may be right.

Here’s a serious question: If this God is everywhere and loves everyone, wouldn’t it watch over not only Americans, but over the people of all countries? Equally?

Finally, why, in the phrase “the Maker of Heaven and earth” was the word Heaven capitalized and the word earth left in lower case?” That one really worries me. Answers, please.

Your fellow American,

Edward M. Poll

Ed Poll is Director of Hudson Valley Humanists